It’s not something we talk about much, but Chef and I can’t have children.
Our medical diagnosis is such that standard infertility medications and procedures won’t work for us. There is one option to try, but it’s pricey, and of course it’s not guaranteed to work. We tried adoption, but it’s a difficult and expensive option, and we had some experiences that closed that door indefinitely, if not permanently.
Right now, we’re pretty happy with where we are. I recently told Chef that I think we have a pretty great life. I love the spontaneity we’re able to have since we don’t have little ones in tow. I like being able to sleep in on weekends and eat popcorn for dinner if I want to. I like not having to plan my life around nap times and meal times.
But infertility does certainly hurt. When you’re infertile, you can’t do something that seems completely easy and natural to most people — have a baby. That can be really, really hard. It can be hard to see completely irresponsible teenagers getting pregnant when you and your spouse, who are responsible adults, can’t. It can be hard to have siblings or friends — especially friends who got married around the same time you did, or after — grow their families year by year. It can be hard when each month, a visit to the bathroom proves that once again, you’re not pregnant. It can be hard to have people give you stupid advice (“Just relax and it will happen!”) or make stupid jokes (“Are you sure you’re doing it right?”) or say things they somehow think will be helpful but aren’t (“Oh, you’re young. You have plenty of time.”) It can be hard to read “Ask and you will receive” (Luke 11:9) when you’ve been asking but you’re not receiving what you’re asking for. It can be hard to feel like God has abandoned you.
Several years ago, some friends and I were working through our feelings on infertility. We determined that we all needed better relationships with God in order to make it through what we were facing. We took turns writing devotions for each other, and we joked that we should put them into a book.
Well, I finally did. I took the devotions I had written and added more. Hope for the Barren Heart is a devotional intended for the infertile Christian woman. Here is a link: Hope for the Barren Heart
If you are infertile, or if you know someone who is (and since infertility affects about 12% of the population, you probably do), I’d be honored if you’d take a look at the link, and maybe buy a book.