All the leaves are gone (not brown — they’ve been off the trees for quite a while now)
And the sky is grey (although sometimes blue peeks through)
I’ve been for a walk (with the dogs, to the park)
On a winter’s day (and it was snowing)
I’d be safe and warm (well, I’m not so sure about the safe part)
If I was in L.A. (but I really don’t have any desire to go to L.A.)
(So instead I’m) Indiana dreamin’
On such a winter’s day…*
A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to God about all the plans I used to have for my life, and how a lot of them haven’t turned out the way I wanted or expected. And I told him that it’s hard sometimes, knowing that his plan is better but not having any idea what that plan is or how these pieces I’m experiencing now fit in with the plan, and wondering how in the world his plan (with all these icky bits in it that I don’t like) can actually be better than my plan, which involves work that I love and Chef’s clients always paying on time and having plenty of time to take vacations and play and having a houseboat on which to spend our summers… and let’s add that “the rain may never fall till after sundown” and “by eight the morning fog must disappear.”**
Even living in reality and understanding that my choices and the choices of all the people before me and around me have helped create the world I live in, I manage to find time to dream. I was telling God all my plans last week. (I’m sure he got a good laugh about it.) If all goes according to schedule, we should be free of our consumer debt in November 2011, and let me tell you I cannot wait for that day. And when that’s done, I have lots of ideas about what I want to do in the areas of employment, home life, family, community — you name it. But I don’t know if my plans or hopes are realistic. And there are a lot of things I can make happen, but some things I can’t. So I wonder sometimes if it’s worth dreaming about.
But I can’t help it. I am a realistic person, but I’m also a dreamer. And I think God’s okay with that. I think he is fine with me having dreams and plans for the future, but he still wants me to understand that he’s got my best interests at heart.
So I keep telling him my desires, my time frames, and my plans. He smiles and nods, perhaps with a chuckle now and then. But then he pats me on the head and says, “I love you.” And I know that no matter what happens, whether my ideas come to fruition or not, he cares for me.
*With apologies to the Mamas and the Papas
**Lyrics from “Camelot”